*lifted from the "other" 12th House tribe... it wasn't really digested and discussed and I didn't want to have to join there to do so... so... Here ya go. Let's talk about it. I am going to read it and then take out a chunk and have at! Feel free!*
Reading from Tracy Marks, _Your Secret Self': Illuminating the mysteries of the Twelfth House_.
Your twelfth house moon suggests that you are a private person, hesitant to reveal your feelings and needs. Often, fearful of your vulnerability, you block awareness of your feelings; you seek refuge from your inner world in habitual activities which you may perform in an automatic manner. Contacting your hidden emotional self may be difficult for you, because you have developed a lifetime of defenses against primitive levels of need and dependency which frighten you. You may feel intense shame in regard to the child-self which is buried within you.
Repressed for a long time, your sadness and longing may sometimes burst forth as infantile tears, which seem regressive and inappropriate. Like Alice in Wonderland drowning in the flood of her tears, you feel overwhelmed, and seek to squelch future displays of feeling. "Be strong;don't cry" may be your motto. You are afraid not only of drowning in your feelings and your needs, but also of revealing your vulnerability to others, then being rejected or abandoned.
Perhaps because of traumatic experiences as a child, in which you experienced unbearable helplessness, need, and dependency in relationship to a parent who could not sensitively respond, you learned to turn to yourself early in life and to establish your self-sufficiency. "I must do it alone; I don't need anyone," you decided, as you withheld yourself emotionally in relationships, and learned how to engage with people without full involvement. Emotionally self-contained and insulated, you became a capable survivor, and learned how to effectively play the roles required of you. But often, as a result of your repression, you feel empty and depleted, out of contact with your source of inner sustenance.
If your moon is deeply buried, you may struggle against fear of the primitive infant locked within you, and against a desire to return to the womb or to escape into fantasies of total nurturance. Fearful of your passivity and your desire for motherly love, you compensate through cultivating your adult competencies and by becoming a caregiver. But although you are independent in the external world, you hold onto your established patterns of behavior and to whatever internal sources of security you have developed.
Forced to turn to yourself early in life, you learned how to take care of yourself, and how to substitute behaviors and activities for the nurturing from others you did not receive. You may as a result be compulsive about your self-caretaking rituals, particularly in regard to food. Tendencies toward anorexia, adherence to strict diets, preoccupation with cooking, and fear of eating in restaurants are all manifestations of a twelfth house moon. Sometimes, you become ill as a means of resting from the demands of your adult self, and in order to allow yourself to receive the caretaking that you seek.
Your twelfth house moon suggests that you never felt allowed to be a child. Perhaps your mother was emotionally a child herself, and wanted you to cater to her needs rather than become capable of responding to yours. She may have been deeply troubled, psychologically or physically unavailable; she may have sacrificed herself to involvements in the outer world at the expense of her family life. Whatever your situation, her negative responses to your needs and feelings, and her messages of "don't cry" "be strong" or "do it yourself" led you to believe that you had no right to have feelings. The hurt or trauma you experienced then may have resulted in a deep-seated decision never to make yourself vulnerable again. "I'd rather die than need you," you may have inwardly said to your mother, "because if I need you I will have to bear the intolerable pain of your failure to meet my needs." As you grew older, fearing the re-stimulation and opening of earlier wounds, you may have said to yourself, " I will not be dependent upon anyone ever again."
Often a twelfth house moon signifies a failure in the early attachment bond with the mother, although a deep inner bond with her exists. Such a bond ( accompanied by idealization) persists in part because you need to hold on to her psychically, as a result of not having received adequate nurturing. Frequently, a twelfth house moon suggests problems in the oral or suckling stage or lack of adequate physical nurturance. If your mother was unable to rspond to your nonverbal (and verbal) signals, you learned to distrust closeness to other persons, and failed to develop a healthy degree of trust.
Because of childhood trauma, you may have repressed your early experiences, and remember little of your family life; you may also have developed a lifestyle which involves minimal family contact. Perhaps because you neer had a secure home, or because you fear experiencing your need for a home and family life, you may avoid creating a home that could be truly nurturing for you. Sometimes, people who have Twelfth house moons never develop roots anywhere; they move frequently, unable to settle down, afraid of sinking into the feelings and needswhich they associate with attachment to home and family.
Another influence of a twelfth house moon is confusion in regard to female identity and to relationships with woman. Lacking an adequate female role model, you may have distorted ideas about womanhood and motherhood. If you are female, you may be insecure about your identity as a woman, and inclined to equate female role behavior with self-sacrifice; you might then, in reaction, reject the traditionally feminine, and seek refuge in "male" values. Sometimes, woman with twelfth house moons deny the desire for motherhood; or, in contrast, allow themselves to become pregnant in order to recreate them mother/infant bond.
If you are male, you may feel insecure about the hidden female within you, which at times feels like overwhelming need and passivity. You may devalue the "feminine" realms of life, while simultaneously idealizing women, falling in love with inner images and fantasies, yearning for the perfect woman/mother/mate, or attracting clinging, dependent women who force you to make contact with the energies you project.
To the extent to which you fear your vulnerability and hunger for nurturance, you attract people who need you and become dependent upon you. Fleeing from relationships which awaken your own need, you are nevertheless quite capable of responding to need in others. In fact, you may even respond with a sensitivity and sympathy which you are incapable of giving to yourself. Psychically sensitive to others, you are attuned to their feelings and intuitively know what to say and do.
Because you are a natural caretaker, you are probably drawn to work in the service professions, where you can meet the needs of wounded or troubled humanity. Identifying with the troubled, ill or weak, you demonstrate your talent as a nurse, healer, or counselor. Having sacrificed your personal mother to the world, you may also sacrifice your personal mothering needs in order to mother humanity as a whole. You seek to give to others what you always wanted to receive. Such giving may not fill the empty space within you, but it does provide vicarious satisfaction and the experience of having made a significant social contribution.
Another advantage of your twelfth house moon is your keen intuition an innate spirituality. Because of your sensitivity, you need to spend a considerable amount of time alone, reflecting upon aspects of your personal life which you do not share with others, and clearing yourself of the psychic overload you have accumulated as a result of too much contact. Your solitude may also be important to you because it helps you to regain contact with yourself, to connect with your feeling nature, and through meditation, music, or other pursuits, to let go of the walls you have created and surrender to forces greater than yourself.
Because you have preserved your true child self deep within you, in a form that is largely untouched by the world, you are capable of contacting and drawing from rich sources of inner nourishment which reside with that child. Because its boundaries are thin, it is capable of openness to spiritual realms. The more you are able to honor that archaic child within you, the more you will become attuned to your divine nature and be able to enrich yourself with the openness to higher energies which it can offer you.
You need to contact, accept, and embrace the child within you, to tolerate its terror of abandonment and its primitive feelings and needs, and to learn to soothe and reassure it. Feeling-oriented therapy, re-birthing, self-psychology, primal therapy, and past-lives therapy all may facilitate this process. As you begin to acknowledge and honor your inner child, you may also choose to create for yourself a home which is truly nourishing, and which helps you to feel warm, safe, and emotionally secure. Once you begin to hear, accept, and meet the real needs of your inner child, you will experience a sense of realness and wholeness which previously was inaccessible to you; you will also be able to give to others more effectively, to meet their real needs, rather than vicariously using them as a means for recovering your lost self. -
This sounds alot like my life, I have my moon in libra in the 12th house. I did not have a very happy childhood. My mother was not very nice. I prefer my own company alot of the times. I have a hard time showing affection to my mate and daughter as well, I did not use to be this way, I think it is because of my childhood and my mate was not very affectionate in the beginning of our relationship and somehow I closed myself off. I can remember being very loving and almost clingy towards my mate but he would push me away and I would cry . I guess if enough people in your life hurt you then some how it makes you afraid to show your true feelings. I am not the person I used to be, I almost feel like I have lost that feeling to love again. Has anyone else gone through this type of thing?
I have been thinking on it, too -- I didn't want to react.
And you know what? I made friends with my sense of emptiness because it feels like purity to me and I like the idea and struggle to be pure... so other voices can come through me... I am a writer and my Moon is in Gemini in the 12th.
I show more affection to people who are not my partner... and I think it stems from a very real fear of rejection -- I got rejected a lot as a child... I touch my friends and other people a lot. I want to be verbally affectionate with my partner (who is a physical affectionate type) -- we find a balance between our styles without me compromising all the time.... In fact, he prefers I tell him anything I have to say directly... or even make the language and tone pretty... but he says he wants to hear it... and sometimes he wishes he didn't. *cutesy bob*
Also, I agree with you... sometimes I have to have alone time or I start to get a little twitchy... in a bad way. I start to feel too full of other people... so alone time allows me to re-establish what I think/feel about things rather than how I feel I am "supposed" to think/feel. I am really instinctual -- which means I struggle with trusting it. I like to think I have made peace with my wounded child self and live in kind of balance with him... which means sometimes, I can be really defensive and protective of all sorts of cracked out shit.
I am picky and selective with who I show my true feelings... I tend to find it easier to do with strangers than people who are close to me. (Fuck up, huh?) And I don't know when I might feel the urge to be true about my feelings. Actually, I don't think about my feelings a whole lot except to marvel at how analytical I am in regards to my heart... how I make choices... feel, don't feel.... and I am ok with that. People who tend to "feel" a lot make me withdraw hard -- I don't feel safe to have my feelings in the same room. So, I am drawn to brainy, thoughtful types. Overly-witty people (folks who are always trying to tell a joke and be funny -- and I am married to one... oi vey) are like yapping dogs to me sometimes... and when my nerve snaps, it snaps, but my impulse is no longer "destroy".
I have trust issues. But I am learning to trust myself as a process of learning how to trust others.
I'm Leo Moon in the 12th, (Sun and Mars too!)
It was difficult for me to shed my perceptions of self enough to identify with this reading.
Objectively, I can try to imagine for example that I did not receive affection from my mother, (am I oversimplifying the authors intent) and that I block awareness of my own feelings. However, I would have never figured consciously that my mother withheld her affection, nor have I ever perceived myself to be out of touch with my own feelings. Then again I suppose that is the nature of "denial".
All one can do is speculate what is true when one chooses to be objective in anyway. There were moments here and there where I could make things fit to my situation, but the next few moments would unravel it. Is this because Sun and Mars are also in the 12th, (or could it be the Leo aspect)? In any event, this description only served to make me question how well I know myself.
If we are seeking any sense of certainty about our identities, (a part of what astrology claims) then how do we really ever establish the truth within the context of our own subjectivity. At what point is it okay for me to say, "I know they are saying I'm unaware of something, but that just doesn't sound like me!" and move on succesfully.
It sounds very insightful, but as a Moon in 12th, I'm not convinced this author is describing me at all. Does anyone else feel this way?
I felt the way you did, too... although there were echoes of it. I think the end... where she talks about reconciling different things is where I found myself... because I don't think I have things hanging out. I am still self-contained, but I don't feel empty anymore... and yet... my mother *did* withhold affection. Also, if the situation is emotionally overwhelming, I *do* block awareness of my own feelings until I can process them. It's called depersonalization. I have learned control over my emotionality so that it won't overpower me and make me react in ways I don't want.
But initially, I had to take some time and think about it and let it come to me. Best thing about a 12th house moon... we can't rely, always, on what's right there... have to wait for those little flashes -- well, at least I do.
Are your Sun and Mars conjunct your Moon? Are they conjunct your ASC?
I'm not sure if they are all totally conjunct... but they are all definitely all in Leo the 12th house.
My Mercury, Virgo, Pluto, and Rising are all in Virgo.
Naturally my rising is zero degrees Virgo, which only adds to the very close balance between Leo and Virgo.
It sounds like depersonalization is just a way to stay sane... and works for you since you are able to eventually address things when you are ready. I sincerely find myself to be much more clear on my own emotions than most people I've known. It's hard for me to imagine I have a whole other emotional condition that I'm not aware of. I sure hope not!
This text describes very, very well how I feel. Thank you Ergane.
i am always quite taken ababck at the accuracy and insights that are shed on the psyche thru astrology :) no matter how much i know about it.
My childhood started off difficult with mum passing away in india when i was 7 months.. cancer (unsolved, repressed feelings - she was a scorpio - aquaruis moon) growing up with dad was being locked up in my room with nice white grills on my windows and bucket for a toilet. canned food and biscuits and soft drink. calvin and hobbes - my heroes. books lots of books, parents were intellectual - dad(taurus, leo moon) archaeologist - mum ancient history / english teacher. so lots of books in the two bookshelves in my bedroom. my childhood, basically up till 13 when i ran away was school- straight home - tv - dad- maybe outing with dad - but he always had my by his side, i neverr went out of his site. he could be very brutal and cruel when he absued me and i have many war scars on my head!
when i travelled to india at 18 i wrote a song/poem of my pain : darinka.deviantart.com/art/Br...3277188
Being locked up in my room though i think was an amazing time... dad would sleep during the day on weekends and hed lock me in cuz 'he didnt want me stomping round wakin him up' so i would read sooo much and think and think and think and philosophize - my fave book was ' early man' evolution of mind -
i was so detached as a kid, i lived in my fantasies of what life would be like without dad. id imagine him dead. id imagine being big and bashing him... my anger vented on the playground at school and id always get in trouble ' the naugtiest kid in school' theyd call dad, dad would abuse me and the wheel turned...
he was super meticulous - when i got in trouble at skool, spesh if the principal called - hed make me write out reportsand carbon copies of the incidents!
theres so much more detail. not all of dad was bad. i mean not mnay kids got to go to sri lanka or inda 3 times...
control and power were major themes - i managed to find and make copies of keys to all the locks in the house, sneaky little one i was! as i got older i climed out of my window squeezxing thru a shape in the grill... when i was finally allowed out in the living room on weekends, i went thru the cat door or the back door when i found a key to it!
Was def. me against the world - my mantra no 4 walls can hold me!!
My motivation to cut the cycle was a combo of being 13/puberty - high school and seeing everyones elses lifestyles and being hey this is reallly abnormal - xena on tv - and my rooted belief of change and that anything can happen and i could do it. so i did and left dad.
2 years later after not talking to him and him being charged on 3 counts with child abuse - for afew months we started to talk again then he died of a heart attack! pluto moon - found him in bed . the only time in his life, he was so peaceful.. finally at rest that tormented soul!
my soul is on a definate mission it seems!
Since then its been a massive struggle to just be ok... being a teenageer had been so hard and tho im 20 and much out out it, the remnants of past behaviours and habits linger abit, feelings of embarrasment, inadequate, unsure, withdrawn from social stuff. lack of effort ( ive never really 'worked') overe stress on my body and simply just not knowing what it is that im feeling - and feeling so totally overwhelmed by it.
tho most of my healing is thru being truthful to myslef, heeding wot other say cuz they are all mirroring aspects of urself - thinking about that even if its so narky i dont wanna for afew days - ill sit on it and process it. the last 7 months or so ive met an amazing spiritual guide who has helped me enourmously - she is the mother i never had :)
12house - the house of disowend feelings. there was no such thing as feelings when i was growing up. there was fear. and fear. and thats where i lived. to comprehend beyond that takes practice/ practice practice.
about one a month or more - maybe a week or 2 b4 i bleed i go into a regression or cocoon or woteva. but its not always nice. sometimes its fine and i dont feel anything v. intense or antisocial. sometimes i create a chaos or pick a verbal fight especially if i feel like a situation is out of my control. eg pisces sun/moon housemate who thinks im in love with him when i couldnt think of anyone who repluses me(physically) more - also the fact he is totoally devoid of resposibility - and vent my scorpio moon on him and have tantrums. other times i try and control this NRG or i get super sad and cry at everything and feel so deep in my head theres no end. sometimes im there and im tryinig to find a tangible reason why im feelin the way i do and i cant really pinpoint it down so i feel better knowing that its just a passing phase - a potent time so lets do something creative. lately ive been learning to transmute some of this nrg - and ive discoverd drawing - and how it worx for me :)
ive learned i need to withdraw for some time during this period as i become v. detached
i like to tune into the synchronicites that happen in my life. i love my scorpio style passion. its pure potentiality - raw NRG - i lvoe the facet i see the world in a diff frame of mind that from anyone i know. so rather than feel bad because i cant compare myself to anyone, i feel stronger because i am SURE i am me and thats what i stand for and thats what matters
WOW.........YOUR SECRET SELF.........I could of started crying as I read this but I don't cry at least very rarely .When I do my eyes burn so bad I guess from never ever crying. This holds so close to me I love it!!! Could relate so well to that reading.
I have Moon in Sag in the 12th house square to venus in Virgo in the 9th. I found you're interpretation to be very on point and somewhat dark and brooding. I feel like I'm doomed. repressed, like the only hope is to spend time alone. I like to think I can transend some of my astrological tendancies. Ok now I see it was from a book. What a depressing synopses. Yikes!
My moon is in the 12th house all well....... Looks like we all share a common bond......The inner child in me feels comforted knowing I'm not alone.......... ^_^
as far as I can tell, i got adequate affection from my mother. But I do remember her being very frugal with us, and I remember feeling deprived of the things "normal" boys used to get. Perhaps in my case it was a feeling that I was deprived of material things through my mother. Either way, I agree that I am very much a 12th house moon. I am very emotionally withdrawn from people, maybe even to the point of being depressed because all the emotional suppression I've done through my life has made me almost incapable of bonding with others on a friendly basis - people always notice my aloofness as something to respect? fear? I don't know, but I've managed to have many "friends" on a superficial level, but not bond well with any of them. I am constantly looking to free that child within me. It seems the older I get, the more I want to go back to my childhood, when I didn't feel trapped within myself. I'm always so "well behaved" and "nice" yet always so distant from those who notice, and I'm tired of being lonely, because I love people deep down. I just don't know how to show it.
have you been to therapy? I know for us with moon in the 12th house it is difficult to talk about our feelings but I think it is important for you to try to develop skills to become more comfortable in the world. Therapy has been a very important coping mechanism for me.
My friend Jane has a 12th house moon. She was adopted by a wonderful family when she was a toddler, but her birth mother pretty much just left her with the babysitter, and never came back to get her. Her adopted family ( the "babysitters" ) tracked the mother down, and made her sign the adoption papers. A dramatic case of a 12th house moon.
Psychonaut, thanks for sharing that story, it was heart wrenching. As astrologers we say, yes, of course, that makes perfect sense.
But as a human I would like to say I am sorry that you had to live through that.
I'm so glad i found this 12th house moon stuff (It's one of the reasons i joined this whole tribe.net)
It's all fairly new to me and it truely has changed my (self)awareness a lot.
Apparently I need to buy this book.
I had a relationship with someone who had a Taurus Moon in the 12th (and Saturn opposite his North Node). He was unwanted by his mother and given to his Great Grandmother to raise. He lived with his Great Grandmother until he was six or seven. At that time, she remarried and her new husband didn't want my friend so he was shipped back to his mother. Although she did her best to feed and clothe him, she never spoke to him. When I first asked what his childhood was like, he looked at me blankly and replied: "I came home from school and went into my room and shut the door. She came home and went into her room and shut the door."
My friend grew up in the inner city - a country kid who had no idea what was waiting for him in the inner city - and had to fend for himself before he was even a teenager.
He has, needless to say, huge trust issues. And interestingly enough, he was, for some time, a volunteer at an AIDs hospice.
I sound very clinical here - but this passage on 12th house moon and the comments following absolutely demolished me. I'm a fairly advanced student of astrology - but this is one of the best insights I've ever had to what a 12th house Moon can mean. (All due apologies to our Leo Moon person, who is, of course royalty. Smiling here.)
This is an interesting tribe indeed.
Very well put there. Capricorn moon in the 12th here lol
I think the one thing that 12th house moons need to constantly do apart from what is put in all these other posts is that to ensure a connectedness to a higher spiritual order. It does not matter what religion or practise you choose as long as you can feel connected to something larger than yourself and that the universe, or God/ Goddess is keeping an eye on you on your life's journey.
The problem with having a 12th house moon is an emotional isolation, and especially if your ascendant or sun is in an air sign, you might actually feel surrounded by people on a constant basis, but never be able to emotionally connect with them. Natives with 12th house moons will sometimes find that people are not able to match up to their emotional complexity, and tend to thirst for a higher emotional connectedness, thus the importance of a grounded spiritual practice, whatever it may be.
I would say well put there to. It's so hard sometimes with 12th house moon lots of conflicts in "your head."
I am a 12th house Taurus, asc is Gemini Sun in Leo Mars-Pieces, Saturn-Scorpio all seems to conflict at times.
"Natives with 12th house moons will sometimes find that people are not able to match up to their emotional complexity, and tend to thirst for a higher emotional connectedness, thus the importance of a grounded spiritual practice, whatever it may be."
Very well put, Lady S.
The only way for me to feel truely nurtured is to rest in these big cosmic hands.
Wow, I found this so spot on. I have the Moon in Virgo in the 12th conjunct my Venus, Asc and Mars (in 1st House 2-degrees Libra). It's a constant battle to let myself be vulnerable. Sometimes I just force myself to do it even though it feels uncomfortable. Not sure that I am very good at knowing when is an appropriate time or person to be vulnerable though...I actually do cry but behind closed doors. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with holding things inside I can't help it. I definitely have care taking issues to work through. I never really related this back to my Mother. She was basically just not the emotional type, not the typical Mother. I definitely never felt allowed to be a child. My Mother traveled a lot for work and wasn't around much...
yeah this post is one of the best descriptions I have ever read on the subject.
"Not sure that I am very good at knowing when is an appropriate time or person to be vulnerable though...I actually do cry but behind closed doors. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with holding things inside I can't help it. I definitely have care taking issues to work through."
yes yes yes!
Don't know how else to respond...
Deliberately being flip:
Don't think you, or I, can be in that much denial; would be a total break from self.
I have a Moon in the 12th house at 08deg. Scorpio, with the ASC at 11deg. Scorpio. The time is accurate, and the Scorpio is well hidden; people perceive me as a Gemini, with shades of Leo (Venus) and Mars (Aries)
Have read and re-read this excerpt from Your Secret Self; am amazed at the difference between my reaction, and everyone else, save Roger and SteamPoof’s follow-up. The last paragraph is good advice.
I am pretty much a private person, but that’s it for the first paragraph. Am not fearful of vulnerability, don’t perform habitual activities, have almost nil dependency, and feel no shame for my inner child.
Don’t have a great deal of longing, and sadness - but, at my age, after a five-way bypass; one starts to wonder how much time’s left. Do squelch displays of emotion; if something really matters, I’ll say so, and we can work it out from there.
I did have some childhood trauma (almost drowned, for one) but remember events and family interaction back to at least the 2rd grade. My mother was a gracious and pleasant lady, my father a ‘40s/’50s father type, who taught me how to read before entering school by reading with me, and discussing the stories we read. He did insist upon my developing independence, and he was fiercely independent himself.
Have not attracted clinging women, in fact quite the opposite. In the 40+ years since I left home, I’ve lived in four different houses, I love to eat out, trying different cuisines enthusiastically.
There is some commonality in the “caretaker role” and do respond to others needs more quickly than my own. Occupations include an ABE Math Teacher, and a Disaster Recovery position in which I thrived. Most fun I ever had, and got paid to do it!
My inner self is almost never seen by others (It IS the 12th house, after all) which does cause frustration in personal relationships. Not their fault, nor my wall, they simply can’t see, I must reveal. Intuition and spirituality? Yes, it’s valuable and important. And I do connect through music and meditation.
Could go on, will mercifully not.
One (Gemini, remember) further comment: A quick count shows there are 21 “may”s in this short document. The author seems not ready to make many statements without that qualifier.
To me the 12th house is not a dark and forbidding place. It is the source of depth, meaning and a wellspring of strength
I am very pleased to hear people transmuting their issues. It makes my day everyday :-)
I'm a Cap with a 12th house Virgo moon. Hi Steampoof!
Thank you SO much for posting this information. Much of it rings true for me as well. Let me start off by saying that I loved my childhood. I had it pretty easy and breezy... but for much of it I was in my own world, and locked off from others. I liked it this way! I was constantly doing creative things, such as creating talk shows or skits (with me as the presenter) out of television shows and cartoons that I recorded on television. I'd sometimes have a co-creator (like a cousin or rare friend from school) and we'd do skits together. Mostly it was a private affair. I'd spend hours and hours playing video games, reading comics, drawing (Venus in the 3rd house I guess!). I did not realize it at the time, but my mom was distant. When you're growing up, you tend to think that your way of life is like everyone else's. I was often left to my own devices (latch key kid), but fortunately I have an intense creative reserve so I was never bored... ever. My mom, as much as she deeply loves me, had a horrible abusive childhood and it blocked her off from people a bit. She has a classic habit of picking bad boyfriends... you know the type! The pattern is STILL GOING ON to this day. But at this point, we can actually talk about it... so that's nice. We've bonded in the past few months, but she will always be distant... it's really hard to describe. I think the intuitive/psychic connection that we have masked the LACK of a deep-conversation having, "best-friend" type of relationship that other people have with their moms. There is a bond there, but it's a nature bond. In the past few years, I started blaming her for things... for not teaching me so many things I could have been taught, for not preparing me for or even encouraging me to go to college... she never even taught me how to PUMP GAS, and yet she flamed me the very first time I tried to pump it because I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO. I'm a Cancer midheaven, btw! So basically - I've had little prepration for anything! Mom's a Taurus with Aries rising and a Cancer moon if that helps.
Regardless of the bad stuff (which was minimal), I'm grateful for my childhood. I wasn't hammered full of societal ideas, which has helped shape my individuality. I realize that she couldn't go too deep with me because of her trauma. She did go to therapy and that helped her a bit with her issues. I feel like, if we are related by blood in other lives, that she'd HAVE to be my child or something. So yes, very true about the parent being more like a child, emotionally.
Today, I still have an intense love for being alone because it's when I can BE MYSELF. Of course, I love people at the same time, but after many disappointments and being around secret enemies/fake or fairweather friends, I have understandably distanced myself from people. It IS hard for me to connect with others and I find that most people don't seem to have the emotional intelligence that I do. And in this world, when you have more emotional intelligence than linear intelligence, people think you're weird, or crazy, or silly, etc. Truth is that I'm more evolved than most people I know, and that's another thing that makes it more difficult for me to connect with people. Spirituality really is a center of my life now. Meditation, practicing law of attraction, reading about metaphysical subjects, knowing that I have guides helping me, seeing number patterns (messages) several times in one day... my life is practically in another dimension now!
I've got two moon squares (Neptune, Venus) and two moon trines (Mercury, and Sun). Expressing how I feel is NOT as hard as maybe some of you guys but it's still hard to get across how deep I feel. I also just don't think the same way as other people, yet I understand them very well. I have Neptune and Uranus in my 3rd house, so that probably makes the connection harder... I also used to approach people awkwardly, telling them WAY TOO MUCH about me at first, and totally turning them off.
Fortunately the 12th house moon has allowed me to settle into a job at home that I adore. It's nice to "work" alone.
And it's true about the family thing... I really don't keep in touch with my fam from Chicago (my hometown) that much - although recently I started attempting to more... but it's not like any of them call me! So what the hell? My mom talks to the fam regularly... I don't. I don't feel connected to most of them, but it is nice to have family at the same time.
Does anyone here think that 12th house moon people can manifest things more rapidly??? I was wondering about that lately. I imagine you'd have to meditate a lot to really get things you wanted, consciously.
Excellent post, Steampoof! The responses are awesome, I'm going to try to respond to every single one. Regards, Steven12
Sara, this is my first response to the 12th house moon. What a life you've had, if it's like the rest of ours. Happy childhoods are not the destiny of 12th house moon people. Kudos to you for having a relationship at all. I'm nearly 50 and it's useless.... no one keeps me around very long, or I run because I attract men who attack me or use me. You didn't used to be this way? Wow, you must have been very young when you were more open. Read my long response at the bottom of Steampoof's thread. Therapy is good... I did it for three years. The first day I walked into the psychologist's office and said "Does love really exist?" More at the bottom. Hugz. Steven12
Roger, lucky you! While you do not feel that Tracy Marks' writings about Moon 12 apply to you, they do. I'll explain why. You have two other personal planets riding along with your Moon in the 12th house. This is most fortunate. The Sun is the center of your being, and in 12th it changes constantly, along with your outer appearance. You phase through all of the houses, experiencing each. You stay in Leo, though.... just so you know. So the loneliness, the abandonment, and the shunning were not so severe for you. Other mitigating factors may be that you have some really good trines or sextiles hitting the Moon. Perhaps you have powerful psychic abilities you don't know about yet....I'd look into it! Even more mitigating factors.....did you move far East or West from your birthplace? The houses change....I study astrorelocation quite deeply. Any 12th house Moonchild can alter their life and fortune by relocating to a Moon Trine/Sextile Ascendant area. There are many around the world.
Lastly, Mars in 12th is going to make you a more humble person, one who thinks before they open their mouth. Excellent for overcoming a too-powerful ego. All Mars 1st house overagressives with social problems would do well to move 500-1500 miles East of their birthplace into the 12th. While I'm at it, 12th house Moonchildren would do well to do the same....Moon in 11th is a marvelous placement. Caveat: Have your chart done first. You might end up in a bad Saturn or Uranus or Pluto area.
Kamaya, what great power you have over your 12th house Moon. Most of us would have been sent to the psych ward with that kind of treatment, or suicided. When I first read your response here, I was almost certain you had a 12th house Pluto as well....but your father died, freeing you from that prison, that limitation on you... both physical and emotional, which is typical for Pluto 12. But you detached from him long before he died...so something said "enough!" My Moon and Pluto are conjunct in Virgo, in 12th. Horrible. My entire life I'd wished I'd never been born...until I escaped my family. Violence from family, schoolmates, teachers was neverending but I didn't want to be violent against them until later. Also: intimidation, threats, ostracisatioin, injuries (really BAD, unnecessary ones), shunning, and bad bad luck overall. Where is your Pluto? I'm very curious. Steven12
Light Ray... perhaps it's time to relocate to a better place for you, far away. There are many energies in different places that can open you up socially, offer a better life. I changed my chart dramatically 4 years ago, live on Maui now. It's not Maui per se, but my new houses (5 planets in 4th) that did the trick. Good luck transcending....it's possible! Steven12.
Ned, go back to your childhood. Eat candy, ride the rollercoaster, build sand castles if you're near a beach. Anxiety attacks were invented for 12th house Moonchildren..... address it, get some anti-depressants if it's that bad. The better long-term therapy is to renaissance yourself, actualize, go the route of self-understanding. Some of us had to disown our families to get anywhere in life. Relocate, as I suggested to Light Ray. Get a chart done first, find the ideal location to open you up to the world.
Linda, this stuff really happens. I'm glad you found this thread and discovered it's for real. My mother was on the phone with her sister my entire life.... ignoring me. Your friend may have avoided a lot of abuse by being ignored, he may have been fortunate.
Very good observation, Lady Saber. Unfortunately, I became an athiest at age 12 due to the abuses. Feeling hated by almost everyone had become standard fare to me by that age. Only after my (Godsend) grandmother died 14 years later, did the strange coincidences start happening, leading me back from barren darkness. Religion (Catholicism) only made things even more horrible.... so it took a long time to find my way back. The more I study, the more connected I feel.
Diva, Tell me about it. Lately I've overcome it, but in the past, I've actually become physically ill while job hunting and had to return home. Only by biting the bullet and heading out the next day at the same exact time to the same exact places did I get noticed. That feeling is NOT good for success.... I can only imagine most 12th house Moonchildren are dead flat broke most of their lives, because of the interaction problem with people..... Again, relocation to the 11th house Moon could do wonders to connect us to society, if it's viable.
You have an erudite way of putting things, Edward. Thanks for sharing. Your chart is very tempered, you sound like you've had a good life.
Very well put, Jose. You answered my question in the discussion above without knowing it......that violence and bad childhoods do not necessarily happen to 12th house Moonchildren. So you're a Cancer midheaven.....wow! btw, I overcame my "fake friends" fear by analyzing the fakes.... they have phobias and fears of you because you're so aware and free. That's what I found, anyway. Fear is the true enemy.
12th House Cusp Virgo, Pluto 12th house (Virgo), Uranus 12th House (Libra), Virgo moon with Libra rising
Its been an interesting lifetime thus far, plenty to experience and recall, and live through and be.
Amazing that you're still alive..... have you experienced constant and relentless injuries?
Yep, I have collected a good laundry list for pondering upon from time to time. Fortunately there are other signs, planets and houses that contribute to the pendulum swing. (Balance, balance, balance...) ;-)
Atalaya, I've moved 5,500 Miles (8,800 Km) from my birthplace, to the West. Injuries are very rare now. I'm in relocated Pluto 2nd and Moon 3rd. One GOOD thing about a conjunct Moon/Pluto is a heightened sex drive. It kept me from killing myself, it drove me to escape the troubled life, and grounded me, giving an intense feeling of being alive.
I have that Moon/Pluto conjunction sitting in the 5th house. I have a really intense sex drive and I am really good with kids! (... um, fifth house jokes people!)
Its good you found a location that tapped into your grounding lines, Steve12
A saying, I adopted awhile back is: I have 'bounceback ability". These days I've added ~ I'm alive!
I've a natal aquarius sunny patch, mercurial gaze, and northern nodal. Probably helps add a quiet quirky sense of humor in midst of stormy wheather patterns. Sagittarius often likes to skips around between Mars, Jupiter, and Neptune. Taurus likes the slow turns of Saturn, Capricorn watches intently from Venus, and Aries likes to suddenly jump in a single bound at times with Chiron in 6th house.
Yes, but the sexual grounding has been going on for a lifetime. The everyday items such as community, friendships, a feeling of belonging....have only occurred during the past 4 of my 49 years, after I relocated. Before that I was hysterical, looking over my shoulder for the next attack from people, the aforementioned injuries, and bizarre occurences that destroyed everything (property, career/jobs, health, relationships) I ever tried in life. I thought it was ME until I started studying my chart.
My relo houses are Sun 4, Moon 3, Merc 4, Venus 4, Mars 11, Jupiter 4, Saturn 6, Uranus 2, Neptune 4, and Pluto 2. I'm also back in North Node.
The money is weird but the spiritual boom of Neptune resonating with the personal planets is incredible. Having all of those 4th houses is rare, I'm truly HOME> The bad luck, scary damages, and irrational rejections are OVER.
Your chart outlook is awesome. Even with the 12th Moon, you manage to take things in stride, learning to use it for transcendence, not self-pity. Good on you!
Hmm, at various times when I've relocated, I've noticed slight differences, whether this had to do with age and experiences or with astrological alignments. Perhaps a bit of both?
An interesting thing to do would be to visit places one's lived before and see if the same or different tendancies arose.
This is so very interesting because my other soulmate and very good friend is a 12th house moon and fits the bill of that write up from the book so well. His father was a fundamentalist preacher so both parents were somewhat unavailable due to parenting the flock and he himself was never allowed to be a child. Also, from knowing his mother, I would say she was probably very infantile and dependent herself so he always felt a great deal of responsibility toward her and his sister. He found out his sister was a half sister when he was an adult and she'd grown up never knowing the woman she thought of as mom was a step mom. He didn't know it either. That came along right when his whole life went topsy turvy and around the time I met him. He'd become a fundamentalist preacher himself and through a terrible betrayal by someone he trusted he lost all of it. It was really horrible.
The thing is that in reading this it really solidifies why we connected the way we did. I'm 12th house Sun and Mars, not moon, but I'm 4th house Chiron. My mother was completely emotionally void with us and everyone else. She'd have just as soon killed us as to look at us and she did try to kill my older brothers. Well you can just imagine things from there. Thing is, I reacted to that by bringing out my Scorpio when I was very young and making her afraid of me so she pretty much left me alone. Being a writer and 12th house Sun I stayed to myself when I was young and when I was older. My soul mate husband pulled me out of it somewhat and gave me a sense of home (and moved me Steve), but I always retain that emotional aloofness and need for alone time. It's just who I am (12 th house Sun, Scorpio Asc, Scorpio rising).
Anyway, the odd thing with my 2nd soul mate (and I do believe he is even if we can't be together this lifetime), is that we met at really difficult turbulent times in our lives and he came to me to help me. I think he did feel I was dependent and he was following a pattern there. I even told him that. But, the combination of our charts with our Ascendents mutually aspecting our moons, my moon trine his moon, composite moon sextile Saturn, his sun in my 4th house, his moon and Mercury in my 3rd house, my Mercury and Neptune in his 9th house, and my Jupiter in his 10th house all combined to make me someone he instantly confided in as much as I confided in him. He could tell me anything and I never got emotionally carried away or judged him. I just talked to him and we kind of looked at everything intellectually and spiritually trying to figure it all out in both our lives. He helped me tremendously and he says he transformed while he knew me which I like to think is true. But, I have to wonder if on top of everything else, the lonely child in him who could never be a child recognized a child who could never be a child in me? I wonder if he saw someone who found a way to cope without burying the child and my emotions completely? I don't know. I just know that that time wasn't just cathartic, we actually did act like kids when we were together probably more than at any other time in our lives. We still do act awfully silly together. Just reading this made me want to take him out and get him on a roller coaster. It made me want to free his child and my own. Hmmm
And for those who think it odd that I think I have two soul mates, I wondered about it so much that I had past life regressions and they've both been there over and over. I guess I travel through time with them and that's okay. It's kind of comforting really. The 12th house moon soul mate just wanted to know that in some life we'd actually been married. :o) Not bad for someone who'd been a fundamentalist preacher. Then again, my Neptune is in his 9th house.
Thanks for posting this great write up!
I'm still baffled at my 8th house Saturn in Taurus.
Seems like I often find myself in a strange balancing act between relationships, health, and work to continually negotiate.
Wow, how much Astrology is right on cue with all the different things they talk about that relate to individuals. I myself, have a Moon in the 12th House (of course) it's in Taurus. Actually 0 degree's Taurus, really close proximity to Aries, which might be my more aggressive side. Any ways, I am a very private person, and most the time I'm very passive aggressive. My ex-boyfriend, who I may or may not get back together with always was wondering what I was thinking, and why I could never actually explain to him. I am 100% more of a verbal expresser if I do in fact talk about my feelings, and he is much more physical and touchy feely. I've told him time and time again that I'm a mental person (personally I think that makes me a mental case) and he understands, and I'm sure he tries to deal with it, but as soon as I even think about getting physically close to him, my mood alters and Boom! My mind is in a fantasy world where I don't have to deal with the realities and atrocities of what is happening at that moment.
I do have a very guarded weakness, that happened in my childhood, that took me more than several years to actually recognize. My mom is perfectly fine, but maybe it's just me. I just feel that maybe she's not emotionally there. I told my boyfriend also about that, and he was very understanding of it and that took our relationship to a whole other level. I understand that whole thing about being more comfortable with people who i'm not intimately in a relationship with. Like, i can be way more open with friends rather than my ex-boyfriend. (to make it clear, we still have a thing, so don't trip when I say "boyfriend") I'm sure it probably drives him crazy, since i am actually like that in front of him, then of course he'll get jealous and wonder why i can't be open like that with him.
Another thing is that i suffer from massive feelings of being insecure or maybe not good enough for anybody, and with that, i just block out those feelings and put on a show that percieves me as being a strong, dominant, confident, maybe even arrogant or egotistical type. Once a person truly get's to know me, they'll see that i'm not as i may seem and they're always suprised, but because i end up feeling weak on the inside, i change up my entire attitude to match that of what i normally act like in the public eye. Or maybe my feelings get hurt, so instead of crying and showing excessive emotion, I'll brush you off as if it doesn't truly matter.
I do have a tendency to act as if i don't need anybody, and i promised myself a long time that i wouldn't allow myself to feel close or vulnerable to anybody ever again, but of course, in love relationships, your sheild gets penetrated at deeply. I used to be more willing to be open about my feelings and what not, but as i got older, i just don't know how to be in a relationship or love, or do anything properly. It'll take immense patience for anybody to ever truly get to the core feeling of my despair, and that person, I know, if they still look at me the same, and help me come back from shrinking inside myself, will be the one i can finally learn how to love again with.
Hey, I have venus in virgo in the 9th square moon in sag in the 12th too, also venus is opposite saturn in 3rd, so saturn is square moon and oppose venus. It was useful for me as well to read the Tracy Marks 12th house moon entry. I have found being in relationships very challenging but have also had some rewarding ones . I find the part of the child withing being very intact to be one of the benefits of 12th house moon, that is when I make contact with him. I found a very good tape of stories some time ago by clarissa estes called warming the stone child. Found it very nurturing for my moon venus saturn dynamic
Roger if you are still there I to have Virgo pluto and Virgo moon ( o degrees into Virgo) conjunct. Uranus in Leo also in the 12th. My mercury in the 7th. Anyway I do more then likely live by a Leo moon. Emotions don't really run deep with age it gets easier. Maybe its luck, but I do understand the Virgo thing, BUT I love being in the spot light when I can.
Tia, I can very much relate to this description of your 12th house moon..
I have my moon and pluto in Libra and in the 12th house, both conjunct my Libra rising. I definitely need time alone everyday to feel "right". Preferably 5hrs a day. I prefer to spend this time alone at night... I am a big time night owl.. I always thought that is because I have a strong 12th house.. anybody else agree?
But the original post is right on the spot for me in many cases... definitely reject the traditional female role and am heterosexual. I have never had a desire to have children.. but still have time, so may do it eventually. I am actually drawn to very sensitive men, esp. ones that "mother" me. Constantly nurture myself and need to in order to feel well psychologically; need to be nurtured by others. This might also be because my mars and saturn are both in cancer.
I also feel more comfortable expressing my emotions with strangers than those close to me. However, I had a great childhood, was allowed to be a child, and wasn't rejected.
I just feel there is a lot of subconscious activity going on and most of the time I feel in a daydream state.. like a fuzziness or fog. I love music that has that hazy, ambiguous feel... like lost in a fog. I do love everything that is vague... always felt this is 12th house's neptunian influence.
"I also feel more comfortable expressing my emotions with strangers than those close to me."
i've seen that a few times here and there to do with 12th house people. i think it's got to do with there being more risk of emotional hurt by people close to you maybe?
WOW, I really identify with the depersonalization thing. Though I am not sure if I am a twelfth house moon, I sure feel like one. I don't know my birth time so I guess I'll never know but recently, I feel like I've become numb to a lot of things, I don't have the same old electrifying emotions and feelings that I used to and I miss them. I find myself wondering how it is possible that I exist whenever I see myself in the mirror and feel disconnected from my body. I daydream a lot and don't pay attention to a lot of things. My mom was very cruel at times and abusive but I love her very much and used to have attacks when ever the idea of her dying occurred to me, this happened a lot when I was five and still does. I can connect with people but not truly, I feel detached but I don't want people to think I am because I care about them, I just don't want them to know who I really am. I find it easy to connect with strangers because I can show whatever side of me that I want and they won't think that this is not truly who I am. I fear being judged by people and I definitely need my alone time, there's too much people contact sometimes and I need time to cry over my own faults and shortcomings. I don't like it when people want to figure me out and I wish that my pisces moon friend would stop telling me how sensitive she is to others, it makes me feel like I am hollow inside and that I am some type of idiot who can't understand other people. I feel inferior to almost everyone and I want my emotions back, I'm too controlling of my self and too easily influenced by other people, I don't feel like living right now but my overanalytical mind tells me that I would be hurting others if I take my own life and that it is selfish so I won't. But I need to get in touch with myself. Also I think I have future dreams, no I'm not on crack, and I don't foresee world destruction but I foresee small things that happen in my own future, like certain places where I am to go and usually its a small clip of the future. If any of you can help me get back in touch with my feelings, I will be forever indebted to you. I'm so happy that I found this tribe!
I can relate to that, I love people very much, but I always cut off my relationships at a certain point and I can't assert my needs, I don't want to seem selfish and it seems like all my friends better exemplify their characteristics than i do, my friend will beat me in sensitivity or my other friend is smarter than I am, I feel locked inside myself like I am suffocating, I don't feel like my true self
My Moon & Taurus is in the 12th house (my profile has a link to my degrees & placements)
I have been in this walk for 44 years, evolving, learning, etc. SO much can be read about me in this reading, but I have my own tweeks on it also~
I've actually read the original post on this thread about 4 times already, but I just become more amazed by its accuracy each time I read it. I have a twelfth house moon in Gemini, and let me just say...the entire experience of having a twelfth house moon was what initially drove me to start seeing a therapist. As most of you already know, this is a REALLY difficult placement to deal with. My mother was in fact never really there for me as she's been a raging alcoholic my entire life. I'm 22 years old yet for as long as I can remember, she "picked the bottle" over my sister and I and still continues to drink to this day. I was never allowed to express my anger or feelings about her addiction nor was I ever allowed to talk about it with her (my mercury in Gemini is also placed in the 12th house...go figure). By the time I reached my teenage years, I had definitely developed the whole "I would rather die than need you" deal. She let me down so many times in my early childhood that by the time I was a teenager, I knew I could never trust her. Basically, it was always about her problems and her addiction and never about what I needed, which was a dependable & sober mother who would listen to me. I was always the one nurturing her and I was never allowed to be a child because of that. Whether I was taking care of her emotionally, or in many cases physically, everything always revolved around her needs. Talk about a huge lack of nurturing for me, eh? My inner child definitely cries out a lot.
To top it all off, I also have a Cancer ascendant, which overly-emphasizes the emotional effects of my crazy 12th house Gemini moon. Going back to the original post though- I just recently got into astrology...probably about six months ago, and every single time I am amazed by how accurate most of the twelfth house moon and sun placement descriptions are! Nearly every single 12th house moon attribute listed in that article has been an important focal point in my therapy sessions, which I've been attending for almost two years now. The parallels between the twelfth house moon descriptions and what I've been discussing in therapy for years are simply uncanny. I know this thread is a bit old, but I extend my thanks to the original poster for posting this great article! :)
< By the time I reached my teenage years, I had definitely developed the whole "I would rather die than need you" deal. She let me down so many times in my early childhood that by the time I was a teenager, I knew I could never trust her. Basically, it was always about her problems and her addiction and never about what I needed, which was a dependable & sober mother who would listen to me. I was always the one nurturing her and I was never allowed to be a child because of that. Whether I was taking care of her emotionally, or in many cases physically, everything always revolved around her needs. Talk about a huge lack of nurturing for me, eh? My inner child definitely cries out a lot. >
My mother has a 12th house moon in libra. The way Kristen is expressng her experiences exactly matches mine. Yet, my moon is (also) in libra in the 9th and is not even connected to neptune or the 12th.
I'm not implying though that anyone wih a 12th house moon would neglect her offspring. My mother wasn't an alcoholic either. She just needed me to parent her, instead of vice versa. She explicitly needed me to be her therapist. I had to counsel her when I was a toddler. Because my dad 'treated her so bad'.
Maybe my mother needed her child to parent her because she never received proper nurturing as a child, I don't know. She was the youngest of 8, and part of a twin too. My grandmother seemed a very sweet lady though (she died when I was 12, so I never got to know her properly) and my mother always treated her as if her mother was some sort of an angel. Maybe that was just her way of dealing with the pain. The pain of not being nurtured.
I really do sympathise with everyone who has the 12th house moon. My moon sign in Pisces and it resides in the 5th house (Leo) so you can imagine my emotions can be quite dramatic. Although, since my moon sign is in Pisces I do need to withdraw now and again to reflect on things. My emotions can be overpowering at times that it can be difficult to control. Yet, I strongly like to keep my emotions hidden too, hence Pisces moon. So there is a conflict between wanting to express myself openly but also wanting to be reserved on one hand. My childhood experiences were also difficult having put with a farther who was dysfunctional in many ways. So I think 12th house and moon in Pisces are similar in some ways.
Just to add, my partner has moon sign in Aries that resides in the 12th house. But the thing is my partner does not shout, nor is my partner loud or aggressive as moon in Aries would reveal. This is because the characteristics of the moon in 12th house (Pisces) becomes dissolved. So my partner like many with 12th house moon, is very secretive about revealing emotions in any form or would become uncomfortable in being surrounded by it. I have known my partner for 2 years - things started out ok in the begining but then things became increasingly difficult. There is a pattern to my partner's behaviour, like understanding the ocean currents that fishes (Pisces) flow in. I only seem to meet my partner after 2 months or so now and when I do contact my partner by text or to call, there's no reply. But only before and after spiritual retreats that my partner takes abroad. After when my partner does make contact after from being abroad, the pattern then repeats itself. Then think that my partner may need space. My partner does state that there are strong feelings for me. My partner did have a difficult childhood due to overly strict domineering parents. Am sure other difficulties of 12th house aspects apply too. Right now I feel alienated altogether, yet strong feelings remain for my partner. I know on some level deep down my partner cares but has difficulty expressing emotions. It sounds like a bizarre situation to be in. Was hoping that 12th house residents could shed some light on this.
I`m shocked. No other words. This article actually compelled me to join Tribe.
It was like reading a perfect description of myself and my childhood.
Moon conjunct Neptune in scorpio in the 12th.
I have been trying to find more Tracy Mark articles online without success.. :(
Any advice from 12th house persons for my previous post in regards to my relationship. My partner is still avoiding me but I know there are strong feelings for me. My partner is currently experiencing isolation from family and is struggling. This has always been a stumbling block in the relationship. Do I move on with my life or carrying on with this relationship. Do you think my partner needs time and if so will my partner come back. If you could please let me know. I would very greatful, thanks.
Songbird- thanks for posting this. I found a slice of solice in it. If Moon 12th house speaks for it all around, ya'll'll know that a sliver of solice can go a long way in this long and involved journey to re-self-realization. Any minutest clue helps desperately to the grand mystery that is self-denial, self-forgetting, self-sabotage, eternally endless anxious suffering.
My Moon is also in Pisces. A lot of emotional turmoil, fantasies, to sift through it took before ever getting behind the real issue. First, though, my mountains of rock, Taurean Sun and Rising, Mars Capricorn, had to crack under the pressure.
Childhood trauma, functioning survivalist (a damn good liar), "unavailable" mother, chaotic child residing within... all true. It wasn't until I finally put-up and finally lived alone with myself -all alone- last summer in the Washington mountains- backcountry ranger (long held ambition to be a wilderness survivalist)- seeking that ultimate silence that I begin to realize there was a volcano within, yearning to erupt. Until I even began sifting through my own lies to myself. Confronting myself. Angry, 100th year resigned child waiting within to be heard and nurtured. It was painful to hear him. Difficult to face that much pressure, chaos, trauma.
My TaureanSun PisceanMoon nature then lead me to contradict my MarsCapricorn and for the first time ever in my life gave in to a substance addiction of sorts (previously 'addicted' to fantasy worlds), MJ, sort of sat around for a year just suffering out the pain. Finally found my way into therapy, a good therapist to boot, something I'd always wanted but was never available for me at the times when I was finally about to erupt, finally found an inner-flame flickering. Finally found a bit of spiritual fortitude in the very, very center of it all.
It's been a wicked adventure.
The clairvoyance thing, though? Gettin preeeeeetty sweet. :D
I have 4 planets in my 12th house.
The original post (thanks, Songbird) resonates so deeply that it raised my eyebrows to where its practically fixed to my hairline!
The thing is..among my 4 planets in the 12th House, how can I possibly discern that the primary catalyst to the sentimental conditions as stated above by Tracy Marks is indeed the lunar influence?
[This question may seem elementary to some of you, but I'm relatively new to astrology. Any feedback would be great.]
Oh wow, alot of this does ring true to me... it gives me the creeps how accurate the description is.YES!
Gemini moon in the 12th house here.
I do tend to keep my emotions much to myself, I actually fear showing vunerability infront of people. Experience has taught me how feelings can and will be abused by others who perceive you as "weak", an easy prey. This is quite sad because I wasn't always like this.. as a child I was quite open and amiable. When people tell me that they view me as someone who is strong and tough I actually jump because I feel so very different in the inside... or maybe that is just my pluto trine asc...
I was never allowed to be a child. During my so called childhood I had to protect my mother from a sadistic, abusive father. I took care of her... even took some blows in her place. I guess the abuse I had to withstand made me lose touch with my emotional side. I learned to repress my feelings.
I guess spending all your time in kindergarten/school guessing if your mother is alive or not when you get back home is pretty damn harsh for any child- even adult. But that just made me more stronger- and perhaps more dysfunctional ;).
"I must do it alone; I don't need anyone,"
Double check. I actually wrote that sentence in my old diary... whoah.
Tendencies toward anorexia, adherence to strict diets, preoccupation with cooking, and fear of eating in restaurants are all manifestations of a twelfth house moon.
YLIKES. thank god that is in the past now.
seek refuge in "male" values
Check. I was quite the tomboy back in the day and still have trouble being feminine in the "traditional" sense.
And I do need my alone time. And a lot of it.
I feel enlightened.
Thank you Songbird for posting this.
hello. am an ARIES SUN, SCORPIO or SAGITTARIUS MOON with SAGITTARIUS ASC. im having a hard time finding out which moon i am. Also my moon is in the twelfth house. any help would be awesome! thanks
Interesting question. I am in quite a similar situation, having 5 planets in the 12th house:
There is no clear boundary- after all, especially if these planets are conjunct (mine are)- they sort of melt together. You might compare descriptions from each of your 12th house planets in order to tell the differences.
For me, discerning is easier with Pluto and Saturn- because these placements are more openly-outerly manifest than the moon's. Note how the above description for the moon is so much about an inner state: maybe it's because of the astrologer's overall standpoint, but maybe it's also because he/she is referring to the moon.
Hi there. The chart at the astrodienst website (www.astro.com) is a useful tool to see where your moon is.
Thanks sooo much for putting this up. I actually read this excerpt from my random Google searches and I find that your post resonates with many of my repressed feelings buried from my childhood through adolescence- emotional rejection from my mother, not being able to trust people, not being able to show people my real feelings or real self ...Until now, I've never really realized the real source of to why I haven't been able to trust people, the preference to be alone over being around my family, bottling all of my emotions in, not wanting to be vulnerable or need anyone..it was my inner child reaching out to at me all along. Looking to someone to act as the mother I needed through my intimate relationships didn't help either; Showing vulnerabilities-->being emotionally clingy ---> rejection (break up).
It's surprising how people also think that I'm this all-mighty witty/funny/strong/confident person yet have no clue that I have so many insecurities, feelings tied into how my mother treated me from my childhood, and still feel like I'm not being true to myself (however flamboyant, extravagant, and "loud" my personality comes off). It's definitely a relief to know that I am not the only one that feels like there's no one to talk to, have a distant relationship with my mother (even though I want to have a relationship with her so badly), find it hard to be vulnerable and get hurt for being vulnerable. Not that I see myself being "wrong" this whole time and in dire need to completely normalize my behavior from now on, but at least I know where I can attribute my behavior to. Now, I'm definitely going to work towards reconnecting with my inner child; it's a task on my list that's well over due. I want to be true to myself. Recognizing these needs, feelings and fears I've always glossed over, I believe, will give me the keys to developing the person who I truly want to be and am.
I enjoyed you post. I just joined tribe yesterday. I have been reading the tribe posts for years. Your post brings in a good deal of material from the field of Psychology and 12step programs. I am in touch with my inner child, but I am yet to get my inner male and female to behave.
Sounds like a good aproach to help deal with and heal from that pesky 12th house.
'The original post (thanks, Songbird) resonates so deeply that it raised my eyebrows to where its practically fixed to my hairline!'
After a lot of musing, I'd almost decided not to post, inspite of a part of me wanting so desperately to speak up and say- 'Hey, I'm here too' (observing from secure vantage point and quietly creeping away- is this 12th house moon?). Then SAPC's comment- the (what seemed to me) so familiar, wry self-dismissive tone of it gave me that extra push... Thanks SAPC (don't know if you're still keeping track of this thread) and thanks Songbird for the original post.
I'm 12th house Moon & Jupiter in Taurus. (I notice no other 12th house Jupiter here). Gemini ascendant, 9th house Saturn & Mars in Aquarius. I'm a complete novice in astrology, so I don't know what this combination means. But I do know what 12th house moon feels like:
I've been an only child with an extremely sensitive mother who's had a deeply unhappy childhood herself- due to which she has never been upto being a mother. (wonder if she has a 12th house moon herself- can’t check as we don’t have her d.o.b) As far back as I can remember, she's been telling me stories of her unhappy childhood and later (when confronted at different points by my aunt) held that as an excuse for her emotional distance from me. She has always been very vocal about not wanting children, about my conception and birth being a trauma. (difficult childbirth- almost died & took her with me- can’t seem to hear the end of it). Did not get the early physical proximity & bonding thing, not much suckling. She has difficulty expressing affection, has been excessively disciplining and ready with harsh punishment (canings & beltings etc) in my growing up years. Even when I was very young and could hardly be blamed for it, she’d be sarcastic about my monetary dependency and give me to understand that because of it I had no right to form or express my own opinion or to question her’s in any way. I was an unusually curious and ‘wanting to know why’ type, which made matters worse for me and she branded me argumentative and rude. She would readily criticize me in front of others, always side with my opponent in case of any peer confrontations… I’ve had emotionally traumatic & extremely lonely childhood & adolescence. I was excruciatingly shy in school, even though I was an alert & intelligent student- I never asked questions in class- no matter how much I wanted to… Feeling of being bottled up, suffocation, helplessness, acute loneliness, an alien speaking & thinking a language incomprehensible to others…
My mother has also been indisposed most of her life and unable to devote time or energy in parenting. Sometimes I feel, but for my Dad, I would have died in my infancy.
‘Often a twelfth house moon signifies a failure in the early attachment bond with the mother, although a deep inner bond with her exists.’
Today, I feel as if I’m responsible for her- my task in life is to rescue her from where she is trapped. I fail miserably many times- in reminiscence of my trauma, I’ve been harsh to her in our adult arguments. I try to keep peace between us and make her emotionally happy, try to share mother-daughter moments. Sometimes it works for a while, but never lasts. She seems to be stuck somewhere in long ago, there are repetitive patterns & I lose patience. She manages to hurt me again and I blindly hit out. I’m not proud of it. I’m still trying to work it out.
I have had trouble with emotional commitment in relationships & in marriage- even though I am very sensitive to my partner’s emotional nuances. (I do not find reciprocation) I have shied away from being a mother (I convince myself it is because I don’t want to find myself inadequate). I can respond well to the cerebral; .have inclination towards nurturing, healing; I like to make people emotionally & physically comfortable; am very sensitive to miserable people; people often confide in me & seek advice; am able to calm the mentally disturbed, reach out to delinquent & troubled youth, lonely children. But, I myself am wrapped tightly into a ball deep down somewhere inside- only a tentacle surfaces sometimes into participation.
From time to time I NEED to retreat into physical isolation and silence to regain my centre, to recharge, to shake the cacophony of the world out of my head.
Before I discovered astrology & this moon in 12th house thing, I was almost convinced that I was imagining things about my trauma and was merely being horribly sentimental & indulging in self pity.
another moon in taurus, 12th house here. (conjunct chiron & ascendent too) .
WOW, so great to read this posting & to hear from other 12th house moons. I agree, it feels very accurate.
Kelly i liked your blog about secret materialistic desires! hahah!
Sun Cancer 3.42 Ascendant Virgo 27.56
Moon Virgo 11.13 II Libra 26.32
Mercury Cancer 26.42 III Scorpio 26.58
Venus Taurus 18.37 IV Sagittarius 27.55
Mars Virgo 1.07 V Capricorn 28.49
Jupiter Libra 5.37 VI Aquarius 29.12
Saturn Pisces 0.08 R VII Pisces 27.56
Uranus Capricorn 20.53 R VIII Aries 26.32
Neptune Capricorn 20.13 R IX Taurus 26.58
Pluto Scorpio 23.08 R Midheaven Gemini 27.55
Lilith Pisces 28.04 XI Cancer 28.49
Asc node Sagittarius 12.12 XII Leo 29.12
The following table shows the planetary aspects in your natal
chart. Short interpretations are found below.
Planet Aspect Planet Orb/Value
Sun Sextile Mars 2.36 113
Sun Square Jupiter 1.54 -102
Sun Trine Saturn 3.34 78
Sun Square Ascendant 5.46 -4
Sun Conjunction Midheaven 5.47 168
Moon Trine Venus 7.23 18
Mercury Opposition Uranus 5.49 -78
Mercury Opposition Neptune 6.29 -56
Mercury Trine Pluto 3.34 75
Mercury Sextile Ascendant 1.14 111
Venus Trine Uranus 2.16 107
Venus Trine Neptune 1.36 108
Venus Opposition Pluto 4.31 -179
Mars Opposition Saturn 0.58 -178
Mars Sextile Midheaven 3.12 24
Jupiter Conjunction Ascendant 7.41 46
Saturn Trine Midheaven 2.13 29
Uranus Conjunction Neptune 0.40 187
Uranus Sextile Pluto 2.15 53
Uranus Trine Ascendant 7.03 4
Neptune Sextile Pluto 2.55 24
Neptune Trine Ascendant 7.43 1
1146 -597 549
Asteroids & Chiron
The following table shows the positions of the four major
asteroids and Chiron. These points are not as commonly used by
astrologers, but are presented here for those interested in
knowing where the asteroids are positioned in their birth chart.
Chiron Leo 22.25
Ceres Aries 25.30
Pallas Pisces 11.35 R
Juno Leo 16.39
Vesta Pisces 14.57
Fortune Aries 0.00
South nodeAries 0.00 WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS CHART.. A lot of bad placements i guess.
CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? I HAVE GOT SOME REAL BAD PLACEMENTS.
Your Planets & Houses
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Cancer 3.42 Ascendant Virgo 27.56
Moon Virgo 11.13 II Libra 26.32
Mercury Cancer 26.42 III Scorpio 26.58
Venus Taurus 18.37 IV Sagittarius 27.55
Mars Virgo 1.07 V Capricorn 28.49
Jupiter Libra 5.37 VI Aquarius 29.12
Saturn Pisces 0.08 R VII Pisces 27.56
Uranus Capricorn 20.53 R VIII Aries 26.32
Neptune Capricorn 20.13 R IX Taurus 26.58
Pluto Scorpio 23.08 R Midheaven Gemini 27.55
Lilith Pisces 28.04 XI Cancer 28.49
Asc node Sagittarius 12.12 XII Leo 29.12
The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to
Planets in the houses
Sun in Midheaven
Moon in XII
Mercury in Midheaven
Venus in VIII
Mars in XII
Jupiter in Ascendant
Saturn in VI
Uranus in IV
Neptune in IV
Pluto in II
Lilith in VII
Asc node in III
Hi, this really sounds familiar to me too. I have the Moon in the 12th house in Aries.
My father (which I loved very much) died when I was young, and my mother has never really fuffilled my emotional needs (no hugs, kisses, always that be a man treat).
I'm a pretty much loner, just have a few friends which I don't spend much with. I actually have a better relationship with a few ppl over the internet than with them. I think I have a problem with getting "attached" to anyone too much, even though I would actually want to. I am still searching for the place I would call my home, for a person to spend the rest of my life with...